Choices

This weekend I’ve been thinking about choices.

My family and I, along with a few other friends, took a road trip to visit our friends who live a few hours away in the house they just bought. It was a fun weekend, involving little sleep, lots of fun, and a variety of conversation topics. Since we brought our son with us, and we encountered various other children over the course of the weekend, the conversation inevitably turned to children and parenting more than once. One of the things we talked about was discipline, and the approach of using the terms ‘good choices’ and ‘bad choices’ with children, instead of ‘good boy/girl’ and ‘bad boy/girl.’ My husband and I use this approach because we don’t want to label our son as ‘bad’ or ‘good,’ as if goodness is simply a quality he does or does not possess at certain times, over which he has no control. Further, we don’t want him to grow up thinking all his choices must be good because we’ve told him that he’s a good boy, or that all his choices are inevitably bad because we’ve told him he’s a bad boy. Rather, we want to teach him that we each have control over our own actions at all times, and the choices we make will lead to certain consequences, which will depend on the choice. He ALWAYS has a choice, and we are teaching him to strive to make good choices.

At first this was as far as my thought process on the matter went. But, as the weekend wore on, I was reminded that this notion of ‘choice’ applies to more than just our actions. It also applies to our attitude. Lately Jared (my two-year-old) has been fighting his naps, and when he ends up missing one from time to time, it throws his whole schedule off. One of those times was this weekend. I went into it exhausted from being up early with him and struggling to get him to nap on Friday, and then the same thing started happening on Saturday. I was tired and frustrated, and I was sorely tempted to feel sorry for myself and dwell on the situation and, basically, let it ruin my whole weekend.

But then I remembered that I had a choice. I had the choice to give into that temptation and LET this situation, which really wasn’t even that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, ruin my whole weekend. To put on a slightly strained smile and on the inside be pouting about how tired I was and silently ranting about how I wish Jared could just fall asleep when I wanted him to for BOTH of our sakes, with a side helping of feeling like a bit of a failure as a mother in the toddler sleep arena. The consequence of this would’ve been that my weekend trip with friends and family would’ve had a huge damper on it, which in turn would’ve made me even more upset!

Or, I could choose to be positive. I could choose to make the best of the situation. I could choose to focus on what was more important than sleep schedules – enjoying my family and my friends – and let go of some of the control I was grasping for. In short, I could choose to focus on the good instead of the bad. To be thankful instead of resentful. To give my problems and emotions to God and receive His peace back from Him. To let Him be my Rock, instead of my own sense of being in control.

So I did. I chose to let go and let God work in me and in the situation, to be present and thankful for the great people around me. I chose to have a positive attitude, and the consequence was a great weekend!

I still hope my son’s sleep routine improves a little, but I’m not going to let the situation control my attitude. Because just as he has the choice to obey or disobey his parents, I have the choice to cling to the negative, or to release it to God and focus on the positive. And I like the consequences of the latter choice much better. : )